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Afraid to Look Stupid

I thought this blog post was going to be about “My Big Beautiful Thing” but, instead, I want to share a sequence of events happening real time. To quote myself, “Another goal is to share my journey as I live it and continue figuring it out.” This is definitely one of those times.

First, here are seemingly random pieces of the puzzle as well as what I’ve been thinking about God-wise (remember - insert whatever that means for you):

* A few weeks ago, I started thinking about the intellectual side of my brain. I love creating a killer spreadsheet, organizing, and researching until I find what I need - and I’m good at it. I think I inadvertently subjugated that part of myself a bit in trying to let the artist fully emerge. I feel a push to focus more on that again. I thought it was about Art Glass Spirit when this first occurred to me, but....

* COVID derailed my plans of teaching classes and doing shows to create more income in 2020. Realization, I need to find a job, at least part time, but not until August (when Callie leaves for Norway). I will continue to grow Art Glass Spirit, just in an organic way.

* I worked in corporate America when I was younger and by Spring of 1997 I realized that I needed something different, that I needed to find a job working to help people or in art, two things I love. Here's the story: I was raking leaves one day and a distinct urge hit me to lay down the rake and go look at the want ads in the paper. I followed the nudge, went inside and opened the newspaper, only to telescope in on a specific ad to work at Art Restorations, Inc. It sounded amazing. I sat down and created a resume and cover letter that night. I remember how I felt. The excitement, the rightness of it. I was working there within three weeks, not as the conservator I applied to be, but as the business manager that ran the shop. It was perfect! Blended my business background with my love of art. I learned so much and made lifelong friends. It came together so easily. A God thing in my book.

* In prayer a few weeks ago, I envisioned myself sitting and reaching up to God. It occurred to me that maybe I ought to get my ass out of the chair and stand up to do that. I am honestly not sure exactly what that means. Figuratively, I get it. How does that translate into reality? Maybe that applies to what is happening now. I'm not sure.

So, you’re up to date, mostly. Last week while working I had the urge to stop and look up jobs. Keep in mind that I decided NOT to look for a job until Callie, my high school junior, leaves to study in Norway this August. But I follow the urge and, lo and behold, I pull up a job posting that gets me super excited. It involves another passion and industry I have considered going into in the past. I sat down, updated my resume and wrote a cover letter that felt real and connected. Once again, there’s something that feels right. I had a phone interview and it went well. I am now awaiting the call to set a time for the in person interview this week.

Reflections about this job possibility:

* Maybe all of this is only an awakening of a possible type of job for me to pursue… using this business minded, multi-tasking, puzzle loving (how it all fits together) side of me.

* Maybe I am integrating BOTH sides of myself more fully. The first half of my life was the methodical Cara and the second half up to now was growing the creative. To clarify, it's not like I haven't used both. For some reason, this is stirring something deeper within me. Kind of like a wake up call of sorts.

* What if this job is doing that very thing for this owner who is passionate and donates to charity as a part of the business model? How cool would that be?

* It is a relief to think of creating art and jewelry that I can sell organically and not worry about the business end so much, focusing on creating and the Spirit of it.

* What if God woke that business intellect part of me so that I would be open when this job presented itself? It feels like a place to put my passion, my mind and my love of the industry to its best possible use.

* The thought of beginning a new career is intensely exciting to me. Who knew? It's like being in your 20's with the benefit of age and experience. Very cool.

* I love thinking about how God uses everything. How does this job fit into that? Time will tell.

I've had a few experiences in my life where I fully recognized God basically grabbing me and saying, “I’m talking to you – pay attention!” Sometimes I see it at the time and others I have to look back to see it. So, this is me in the middle of it. I have to say I feel vulnerable saying that I think this job may be a God thing. I am afraid I will look stupid if it doesn’t turn out. But, this blog is about being transparent, trying to listen and sharing it. It's not about being right, it's about figuring it out.



Learn to trust the journey, even when you do not understand it.

Lolly Daskal

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